A Tender Moment?
-----------------------
Upon hearing of my mother's
ill health
and "hurt" because of my
long absense
I try to think of some moment to
meditate upon ...
some instance without accusation ...
disagreement ... condescenion ... sarcasm ...
!!!ANGER!!! ...
I flip through the rolodex of images ...
fleeting ... whispy ... dark ... confused ...
thorny ... encrusted ...
but I just can't get beyond those moments
of uncontained rage
that distill down
to a single moment in the arizona desert
my mother lashing at a sister
with a fury that stains walls
and exhails destruction
my adrenaline pulsed
driving me to enter my sister's room
and
try
to still the leather
in flight and flame
then the monster in a mother's skin
turns liquid steel and
twists its magma strips upon my face ...
my skin ... my belief in ... harmony? ...
there was no pain ... [at the moment] ...
the belt ... the buckle ... the flailing arms ...
inflicted what they could ...
but in slice of turbulence
I had entered a place
somewhere else
outside ... above ... to the side ...
but after ...
growing with the years ... the scars
blister and bite ...
they fester with each breath ...
and I can no longer
pass my hand across my cheeks
without the
numbing current of
irrelevance
josjr (2011 0803)
Wow. Does this bring back my own bad memories! Reading this at an appropriate time, as I am trying to relegate the memories of my father's thick belt to the darker regions of my memory while trying to make his last year as comfortable as it can be. He's 95, and I got the short straw to spend the most time with him as he's winding down, a wheelchair, and no longer a vicious thug to his two little girls.
ReplyDeleteHope that you can work this out - the way I figure it, they will pass over, and whatever is next, it can't possibly be as bad as it was THIS time around!
Sending my love to you and Roseann - Nadia Mironchuk